I Wil Be On Playboy Radio Friday, October 10th

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I’m excited to announce that I will be appearing on Dr Limor’s show called Sexperts on Friday October 10, 2014, at 12pm. We will be discussing insights into the BDSM lifestyle, cuckholding, life coaching for kink people and more… Please tune in by clicking the link here.

http://playboyradio.com/shows/sexperts/

If you have a Facebook account you can bookmark it by clicking on going at the event page I created here. https://www.facebook.com/events/724437187648839/?context=create&previousaction=create&ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming&source=49&sid_create=3094330586#

You are welcomed to call in, chat and ask questions at: 1(855) 575.2926

This is going to be a lot of fun

I’m a newbie sub. How do I gain BDSM experience?

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Book a session with an experienced professional. Yes, your instincts tell you that this is very personal and you’re right, it is. It is you exploring deep parts of yourself. Parts of yourself that you have most likely denied for some time. You are opening yourself up to being more vulnerable than you have probably been before. Why would you trust that to another newbie or someone that does not value their skills enough to require something in return? Someone that already basically knows that to be in alignment within a relationship they require someone with a dominant heart? You wouldn’t if you know what is best for you.

A good dominant values themselves and that is why they will most often choose to engage in D/s relationships with those that are capable of giving them the submission that they crave. A newbie is not normally capable of this because they have not explored themselves. A non-professional dominant can decide to take on someone that is totally new but as we know, that newbie will almost always decide that they have learned what they want to from that dominant and then move on and the dominant that was hoping to achieve a long lasting relationship is left disappointed. This disappointment is aggravated by the fact that the dominant most likely had to expend more energy on a newbie than someone a bit more seasoned.

I as a professional have honed my skills and I value myself. I value what I have to offer the world. I feel the need for others to show me that they value me. Everyone that values themselves feels this way. In the case of a professional, we value our skills enough to embrace the fact that a good way for someone to show us that they value us, is by providing us joy by compensating us for our skills and the training that we bestow upon others. Just like any other professional that has spent years honing their trade, we have too and we deserve to be compensate for our skills. For what we give to the world because, what we give to the world is a great service. Especially to those that would not be able to explore their deeper selves without us.

We are healers, we are counselors we are vehicles that allow you to explore who you are as a submissive. We take from you because if you are a submissive, it is in your alignment to give us joy. Money brings me great joy. It brings me food, shelter, toys, clothing, the ability to travel, go to parties an a plethora of others things. It also gives me the ability to be able to bring you the joy of service. There is nothing wrong with paying a dominant for training you. For making a fantasy come true. For giving you that longing of being of service to someone else. For giving you that space to explore your deepest, most authentic self.

My Definitions of Dominance and Submission as well as a few other goodies.

I would like to first start by saying that I know what dominance and submission are to me. However; I understand that others may have a definition that is a bit different. I have been in and around the BDSM, D/s scene for many years and have found that my understanding seems to resonate with most of those that have a few years of experience under their belt.

The reason I have chosen to post this is that I get calls from people all the time that wish for me to explain what dominance and submission are. So, this will give those that are curious; a place to go and read up on the basics what dominance and submission are and what they are not. So, let me start with a few basic definitions because there is far more to BDSM, D/s than meets the eye.

D/s = Acronym for dominance and submission

BDSM = Acronym for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism.

Submissive = Someone that seeks to serve another. Their heart and purpose comes from a place of wanting to please an/or serve a particular dominant. They want to be the vehicle of the dominant’s desires. To give them pleasure. They are not normally in the role of being submissive 24/7 to their dominant. Though it is not ok for them to be disrespectful to their dominant, they are given more leeway to think for themselves than a slave.

Slave = Someone that wants every aspect of their life controlled while they are with a dominant. This is normally done as a 24/7 relationship but not always. The slave is service oriented (they do things in a dominants life to make it easier for them IE: house shores, gardening, running errands, building websites, handling business calls, emails, and more) and they give up much more control than a submissive. This is someone that gives up the control of their life to the dominant. Their main goal in life becomes, to serve their dominant.

Bottom = Someone that is motivated by their own wants and needs. This person could be someone that does not primarily seek to please the dominant or top that they play with. They could also be someone that only seeks to be submissive during play but at no other time. If controlling what is going on in a scene and/or in the rest of a relationship, a bottom could very well be a dominant. I have seen people that are bottoms who tell their top what they want, how they want it and when. The top then complies. (please see more about tops below). This is one way that a bottom could very well be the dominant  a play or full-time relationship.

Masochist = Someone that enjoys receiving pain. Not all masochists are submissive, some are dominant. What I mean by this is that they never give up control of themselves to another. They would fit within the category of being a bottom that is a dominant.

Dominant = This is someone that takes great enjoyment in being served by a submissive or a slave. They take charge and their main motivation is being pleased by others.

Top = Someone that only exerts dominance while in a scene (while playing) but does not behave as a dominant towards their partner outside of play.

Service Top = This is a person that tops people with the primary motivation being that they want to please someone else by being a vehicle of their kinks.

Sadist = Someone that enjoys inflicting physical or emotional pain on another. I have met sadists that are submissive. What I mean by this is that the sadist loves the energy of inflicting pain but only from the standpoint of satisfying the desires of another.

As for me? I am a dominant, sadist. I don’t mind a bottom that gives up control during a scene (particularly a masochist)  but because I have a dominant heart, someone topping from the bottom (trying to remain in control during a scene) is not conducive to my energy.